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Online Dating Etiquette - Part 1

by Eran Malloch

Online dating etiquette is something that's important if you want to have success with finding someone special. Here's 10 tips that will help you find the partner of your dreams online.

Online dating is all the rage these days, but many people are rather ignorant of some of the basics of good online dating etiquette, and wonder why things don't work out for them. Online dating is different to other forms of dating because its easy to scope out the prospects for your heart just using a web browser.

Sites like RSVP, Match.com and so on have literally hundreds of thousands of members, all looking to meet someone special. The opportunity is there for ANYONE to browse through the myriad of selections of dating possibilities to find that one perfect person.

So, online dating etiquette tip #1 is to actually put up a profile on one or more of these websites. After all, you've got to be in it to win it, as the old saying goes, and if you don't have an active profile, then you are obviously NOT going to meet anyone.

And, in conjunction with this, tip #2 is to have a good current photograph on your online dating profile. While it might be nice to think that we don't care about what someone looks like - that we are just attracted to the personality and intelligence of a prospective partner, the realities of life are that most of us (even the ladies, who are far less visually motivated than the guys) do want SOME level of physical attraction in their partner. Of course, beauty being in the eye of the beholder and all that, you don't need to be model-perfect. Just look the best you can be.

According to the statistics I have seen quoted on various online dating sites, profiles with photos get over 10 times more views than those without, so unless you are just too chicken to actually meet someone, then get yourself a good photo. There's no excuse for not having one these days, since EVERYBODY knows at least 1 person who owns a digital camera. If necessary, bribe them with a meal out or a trip to the movies to take a heap of photos of you, and then pick the one/s you like the most and use them in your profile.

Also, one last word on profile photos. Having turned up to meet plenty of people only to find they look nothing like what their profile says (or their picture was years old and they look nothing like it now), you can save yourself some embarrassing moments by knowing what others look like before you meet them, and giving them the opportunity to know what you look like as well. Trust me, it saves everybody discomfort and embarrassment upfront by having a current profile picture.

Online dating etiquette tip # 3 is to be honest in your profile. Don't lie about yourself. Whether it be your age, height, weight, personality or other important details. Just like the dangers of using an out-of-date photo, lying on your online dating profile will come back to bite you on the posterior at some stage.

Trust me when I say that its better to be honest about what you percieve your major weakness/es to be than to gloss over them or outright lie. In my case, my perceived major weakness is my weight. Yes, I admit it - I am overweight - but unless a person was blind, they could spot that in 1 sec of having met me, so I am honest about it on my profile. What I did find over time is that NOT all women mind that - in fact, quite a few of them see it as being "cuddly" and most women love to cuddle, so in some cases it has been an asset.

Just accept that very few of us are perfect, and everybody else out there is just as worried about their short-comings as you are, so learn to accept that you wont appeal to everyone, but that's OK! All you need is one right person to find you appealing and you are well on your way to a great relationship.

Online Dating Etiquette tip #4 is Be realistic.

This one is perhaps one of the toughest ones to deal with when looking for a dream partner. We all have these pre-conceptions of what kind of partner we would like (ie. rich, movie star attractive, no baggage, etc), but we also have to keep in mind 2 things.

Firstly, NO ONE is perfect. Absolutely no one! So, if your expectations are that your partner will be perfect, then you might as well quit looking now, because you are only going to end up being disappointed. On the other hand, someone could be perfect for YOU - and there's a big difference between the two.

The second thing to keep in mind is that just because you have met someone perfect for YOU, does not mean to say they think you are perfect for them!

You'll also have to deal with this issue, and quickly, because otherwise things are going to get nasty real quick.

For example (extreme example, admittedly), let's say you are a 62 year old man or woman who is unhealthy, unfit, a smoker, heavy drinker & financially not well off. Now, you might WISH to land yourself a gorgeous 22 year old hottie who will fulfil all your fantasies, but let's be honest. The chances of that happening are extra-ordinarily low to non-existent. You just are NOT a good fit for the hottie, so you need to be (somewhat) realistic.

Online Dating Etiquette tip #5: Have a Positive expectation.

After tip #4 (be realistic), you might have just decided to give up and never try again. Well, that leads us on to #5, which is that you ALSO have to be positive about finding someone.

If you are out there "on the market" long enough, and actively looking (rather than staying home and watching TV and waiting for your perfect match to walk in off the street and knock on your door), you will EVENTUALLY meet some great people, some of whom will be good possibilities.

There's a classic cliche that is SO TRUE, that it bears repeating here:

You get what you expect!

In other words, if you expect to meet the partner of your dreams and develop a great relationship with them, then that's what will eventually happen. On the other hand, if you don't expect to meet your dream partner and end up together, then that's what will happen. It's your choice - which is fabulous news IF you understood what I just said.

Online Dating Etiquette Tip #6: Clean Up Your Act.

In order for you to be the person that your dream partner is looking for, you first need to be the best you that you can be.

This means that you might need to do some work on yourself. Are you as fit, healthy and looking the best you can? If not, then are you prepared to work on it? Do you dress nicely, and make sure your hair looks good, your teeth are cleaned and even gargle with mouthwash - 'cause NOBODY wants to date halitosis-breath!

No one is perfect physically. Heck, I should know. I'm overweight and could certainly stand to lose quite a few pounds/kilos, BUT, when I'm out there dating, I dress neatly, always shower, shave, do my teeth & even splash on a small amount of quality cologne (my poison of choice is Ralph Lauren's Romance Silver), just to make sure I present myself in the best possible light.

Nothing turns off a potential partner quite like you turning up looking scruffy, wearing un-ironed clothes, and not having made an effort. You don't need to go out and buy lots of expensive clothes to do this either. I tend to shop at KMart or Target for most of my clothes because I'm not a name-brand clothes shopper. Now, these places ain't fancy...BUT the prices are good and the clothes are usually nice. If you've got no fashion sense, bribe a friend who has some to come with you and help you choose one or two nice outfits.

Online Dating Etiquette Tip #7: Safety First

While this tip is aimed more at the ladies than the guys, it still has value to you macho guys out there, just so that you don't get any scarey bunny boilers chasing you!

It just makes sense for every one testing out the waters of online dating to be sensible about their safety and privacy. After all, there's no law against wierdos and wackos having online profiles and getting in touch with you. Having said that, there's no real need to be paranoid either - just sensible about it all.

So my suggestions for being safe and sensible are:

Never give out your home address until you have met someone several times and feel comfortable that they are on the level.
Make your first meeting at a public place - perhaps a central coffee shop, and tell someone where you are going and who you are planning to meet and roughly what time you expect to be home.
If you are comfortable giving out a phone number, you are better giving out a mobile rather than a home number.
Don't accept a lift to or from your home to the first few meetings (see the 1st suggestion above).
Be cautious with someone who won't tell you anything about themselves. If they keep dodging questions about where they live, what kind of work they do, and basic personal details we might expect to know about, think twice - they are trying to hide something or are just a bad communicator...

I have yet to meet anyone (male or female) who has been seriously harrassed (safety concerns wise) by someone they met via an online dating site, so while I am sure it does happen, I suspect it is very infrequent. That doesn't mean you shouldn't be sensible mind you - just use some common sense and you will be fine. Now get out there and meet that next date!

Online Dating Etiquette is continued in part 2...

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